Lessons from today - into action & conference

We read from the big book today - a story of a man who had such a fright from a tough life that just continued and continued, he managed to pick himself up for a bit and then fall over again and again. He finally gave in when he knew it was just not possible. I drew parallels in the fact that I see that my life can be leading that way if I am not cautious.

If you had asked me a year and a half ago if I would do as much damage as I did I would have been flabbergasted -(4 detoxes, hospital stay, rehab, loss of job). If this is not yet another eye opener I don't know what will stop me. Every time I pick up I think that I have the ability to control it and get away with it. I know this is simply not possible.

So why do I keep on trying to do it? In my mind the logical rational self still can overcome the odds of the lizard brain and claim success where surely it will fail. I have to remember that one fact to try and keep sober.

What I have to do tomorrow, call someone in the morning to make sure that I get on my feet since I refuse to pray. Its interesting, now I am looking at this blog as a transformation and way of keeping track of what I learn, a public journal.